Snap Judgments

So on Tuesday I had the pleasure of experiencing the joys of the interview process, and I just dont get it. I mean in my life I decide whether or not I like someone and want someone to continue to talk to me in no more than 5 minutes. If I had an entire resume in front of me that time would be cut in half. So what takes so long in an interview? Do they decide as quickly as me or do they try an keep an open mind? Are they just being polite and dragging the interview on longer to make it seem like they havent already decided? Why not conduct an interview like you would if you met someone at a bar? You ask a couple quick questions and then pull the old 'well...I really got to go to the bathroom, or hold that thought I want to grad a drink.' When I was teaching in New Bedford we would determine who was getting offers to teach the next year and I would make up my decision before morning assembly. But we never just sent the kid home. But why waste their time. "Listen kid you suck, youre a tool, and there is no way in hell that I would want to spend every day working with you, so Ill save you an entire day of awkward conversations and just tell you now to hit the road." Or; "Youre legit, you seem like good people and lets be honest anything you need to know you'll learn on the job, so you can stay for the rest of the day or just take off and we'll see you on your first day."
The other thing I dont get is the fact that you leave without any answer to the job. I understand that the people that interview dont have authority and there is a process but shouldnt there be some brutal honesty that takes place Biz style. At the the end of the process just let the person know, "you got no shot cause you suck, and seem like a real d-bag" or "you crack my shit up and seem like a perfect fit." I dont know I just think there needs to be a little honesty taking place during the interview and everyone would have to spend less time feeling like an asshole in a suit talking about shit that they dont care about just so that they can get paid.

The Evolution of Biz

Lately there’s been a lot of jibber jabber regarding the nickname ‘Biz’. I’m about to clear up some of these misconceptions.

Now this is the story all about how

My name got flipped and turned upside down.

So I’d like to take a minute

Just sit right there

I’ll tell you how the nickname ‘The Biz’ evolved from nowhere.

A little town called Oxford is where I played,

On a brown couch was where I spent most of my days.

Chillin’ out maxin’ relaxin’ all cool,

Watchin’ west wizzle outside of school,

When a lovable guy called Bones,

Who was usually up to no good,

Shouted “Yo B” from underneath his WashU hood.

I looked towards my friend and he looked at me,

I said “You, Meat and Siegs should call me King B”

They whistled and laughed and called to come near,

The nickname would be ‘Queen B’ from now on around here.

If anything I can say this nickname sucked,

But I thought ‘naw forget it, they’ll forget soon enough’

It was 7 or 8 days and they were still being haters,

They called to me “Queen Bizzle, what are we doin’ later?”

I just shook my head at my friends

On the brown couch chillin’ there,

Sittin’ on our throne watchin’ Fresh Prince of Bel Air.

Eventually I was right. They all forgot soon enough or more likely became too lazy and cut the queen part from my nickname. I was referred to as Bizzle for a while, and then they got lazy again and cut it down to Biz. So that is the true story of the evolution of The Biz. Those out there who have heard the vicious mudslinging and rumors can now rest assured this was not a self proclaimed nickname.

-The Biz-

An Unsolicited Endorsement

Dwayne Carter. The man is 26 years old has shot himself in the chest at age 12, went to a gifted kids middle school and was the tin man in the school play, drinks codeine cough syrup with Jones Soda, has neck and face tattoos, raps gibberish and I love all the craziness he personifies. Few things in life are as terrifying to me as scary movies, roller coasters, and large dogs not kept on leashes, but neck and face tattoos creep me out. It still doesn't stop me from diggin' everything about Weazy. So take this as an official endorsement. I am making Lil' Wayne an honorary Bizicist. I leave you with a great example of his craziness "I got it covered like a coke top, I'm back like a brassiere hook, I'm just trying to get my spot like a polka dot". I don't even know what that means but it's not stoppin me from lovin' it.

What Happened ???

Let me apologize for the hiatus. Warm weather and sunshine had me living in a bubble of happiness and outdoor drinking, and I had seriously neglected my surly side. With the return of the cold, slushy snow, and the US officially being in the big "R" I have gotten back to my roots and started noticing all those things that really chap my ass. I'll start off slow and shake off the dust as I try to get back into the swing of things. Hopefully Bones Esq. will join me and share some of his own interesting tidbits. Here are some of the little things that have been grinding my gears over the past few months:

• Bailouts/Socialism
• Lions Football
• Celebrity political endorsements
• Sarah Palin being a serious VP candidate
• Paying extra for HD cable when HD tvs are the only thing you can buy
• underage olympic chinese gymnasts
• a boring world series (can't even remember who played in it)
• a shrinking 401(k).......I'm getting old
• getting old

Another one of the things that's been grinding my gears lately is gas stations. With the increase in gas prices over the summer we saw a new trend appear. One price for gas if we paid cash, and another price if we paid with credit card. The reasoning behind this was the profit margins were a certain amount per gallon and when gas was at $4.00+/gallon the credit card fees that are charged as a percentage of total cost were increasing and eating into the profit. Well now gas is down to $1.75/gallon again. But guess what? There are still two prices for gas. One for cash, one for credit, and its really starting to bother me. As the prices keep falling, I keep expecting to see the two prices disappear, but its not happening. Now I know I shouldn't let this bother me. If some owner of a gas station wants to capitalize on idiots who are willing to pay more for using their credit card, more power to him. I just don't like how we're all supposed to forget what the original reasoning behind it was. As soon as the habit of paying two different prices was created I should have known we'd all become the ones who cover their credit cards fees once the prices go down again and we're expected to have short memories and never remember the times of a single price. Shame on me for being the sucker who uses the credit card price still and shame on other business owners who never adopted a "two-price" philosophy for their products. Welcome back to Daily Bizisms and thanks for listening to what's been really grinding my gears.

It Exists!

Big news coming out of Michigan my Bizicists. Just got word that Sonic is in fact a real fast food restaurant and there are 2 of them now in Michigan. The mythical beast that has until now only been seen in commercials is open and serving delicious snacks. I am planning a trip to this drive-in delight as soon as I can and I will share the experience with all of you. Until then, please visit here for all your Sonic Michigan news and updates

Jared Fogle: An American ZERO?

From The Biz: My current roommate is a very nice and easygoing guy which is why a month ago I was taken off guard when I heard a vulgar string of expletives coming loudly from the living room. “What’s your deal?” I asked, only to get a 5 minute anger filled rant on the evil that is Jared from Subway. To which I replied “tell me how you really feel”. Well thankfully readers, he has done just that. Up to that point I had thought nothing wrong with Jared, he might look a little goofy, but you can’t hate on a dude for enjoying a nice grinder. Well, my roommate has officially transferred his hatred of Jared onto me the way I have spread my strong dislike of David “Mr. College” onto many of you. Below is a dissertation usually reserved for when The Biz is feeling extra surly, it is now brought to you by an easygoing, fun loving nice guy. Who knew he had it in him?

Jared Fogle: American Zero

Please excuse the irritated tone of this commentary. I promise you that I am an easy-going guy. That being said… I am using my roommates’ blog space to exercise my “freedom of type” to get something off my chest. Even once it’s off my chest I will still have to seek treatment for the severe chapping that Jared from Subway’s success and renown has caused my ass. I’m not even sure why I’m writing this down, seeing as how I am pretty sure words cannot express how intensely disappointed I am in our society for hoisting his fat ass up. Basically, the fact that this guy even has a job flat out pisses me off. Let the unpleasant news be spread… Kyle wants Jared from Subway to get fat again.

Fact: Jared from Subway was so lazy and unhealthy that his human figure had amassed over 400 lbs of jiggling flop by the time the dude turned 21. Fact: Jared from Subway admittedly ate over 10,000 calories a day. 10,000 CALORIES A DAY!!!! One fast-food meal (unarguably the calorie consumer’s go-to meal) has a mere 1000 calories. How many meals was Jared pre-Subway eating? I’m going to venture to guess he certainly wasn’t working up an appetite. His parents should be famous for being the first people convicted of letting their kid never ever do or eat anything even remotely healthy at all. The only thing sadder than the “fact” that these two “facts” are in “fact” true is the “fact” that they form the plot setting of a so-called “All-American Hero’s” tale.

AMAZINGLY enough… Jared from Subway lost weight when he replaced the Tons-of-Fun-Fatburgers he was inhaling for breakfast, mid-morning snack, brunch, lunch, mid-early-afternoon-snack, mid-afternoon-snack, mid-late-afternoon snack, dinner, dessert, and midnight snack, with one 6 inch turkey sandwich. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? Alert the fucking surgeon general. Guess what happens when a person divides their 10,000 calorie-a-day diet by 10? Answer: their body starts to eat itself. Nice work slim… which group of rocket scientists told you to cut out the french fries for your new diet?

I am not insensitive. Don’t respond to this with your socially correct “pat-on-your-own-back” messages about how hard it is to lose weight. I’m not an idiot. If I had met Jared from Subway on the subway (no pun intended), before all his unearned fame, and learned about his 300 lbs. weight loss, I’d give him a teammate-esque pat on his still-not-exactly-thin ass and buy him a low-calorie beer. The part that pisses me off is that he’s been hoisted up onto our custom made, plus-sized, American made pedestal, and is now treated like he cured AIDS. Are our standards really that low? Someone please explain how this is different than us idolizing a crack-head who miraculously turned his life around by refraining from his gluttonous crack habit? I feel like we’re kneeling before some dude that miraculously survived a mysterious drowning epidemic by actually removing his head from the water before gasping for a breath of fresh air. Let’s try rewarding people that deserve it for once, instead of championing those that finally benefit from doing what they should have been doing all along. Then again, I guess this is the country that RE-elected… nevermind, that’s a different blog.

Nut up America!! Jared from Subway saved his own life by finally doing ANYTHING AT ALL. By finally being responsible with the only thing we’re all born with. I know that everyone that struggles with weight problems isn’t a lazy piece of shit… but Jared from Subway was. And now he’s famous. Can we make it any easier for the rest of the world to mock us? Next thing you know we’ll give Dr. Phil “Physician of the Year” for telling a wife in a body cast that she might want to consider leaving her abusive, convicted rapist husband.

I guess you can’t blame Subway for trying to sell a sandwich by plugging the “good for you” angle… but you can definitely blame America for biting into it like one of Jared’s mid-late-afternoon snacks. Back to you Biz…

Top 5 TV shows of all time?

So like I said in my welcoming message, Daily Bizisms isn't always going to be about the things that chap our ass or grind our gears. There are some things we actually like. TV is one of them, along with witty banter, drinking, cornhole, epic college football or fifa battles, good eats, BR7, BQ10, and good people. This post is addressing what I think are the 5 best television shows of all time. Feel free to pipe in if you think I missed some or am way off base. I think a lot of you will agree with at least 50% of my list. Bones Esq. will most likely review and add his two cents, as he is very opinionated when it comes to TV viewing, and usually needs to be in control of the remote.

Top 5 in Order (Best to Worst)

1) West Wing - The sexual tension between Donna and Josh was enough to get me to watch copious amounts of this show each week my senior year of college. Throw in Marathon Mondays, Dule Hill, and Martin Sheen as President Bartlett and you have a clear cut best show ever.

2) The Wire - Great show about the drug game in Baltimore. Just started watching this in the last year and I plowed through 5 seasons on demand in very short order. Also certified as something white people like at http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.wordpress.com/ so I guess I had no choice in the matter.

3) Entourage - A story of 1 super rich, good looking, famous guy, and the 3 buddies who make up his entourage. I don't think there is a single 18-30 year old guy in America who doesn't love this show and want to have the exact same situation in his life. Hot chicks, parties, money, vacations.....They are living my dream and I live through them everytime I watch the show. Plus Jeremy Piven might be playing the best character on television that I can think of in my lifetime so far.

4) The OC - When I hear the word Summer I no longer think of the season. Don't you judge me, it was a guilty pleasure that I am not ashamed of.

5) The Sopranos - 6 seasons of greatness. I don't have much to add. Characters could be funny, depressed, happy or homicidal at any moment. It kept me asking "whats next?" after every episode of every season. Also, provided a great excuse to open a bottle of wine and cook up a huge Italian dinner every Sunday night.

The Honorable Mentions: Californication, Weeds, Seinfeld, Curb Your Enthusiasm, and The Office

The one people will give me shit for because I left it out: Arrested Development. Sorry, I've only seen a few episodes.

The one the ladies love: Friends

Unofficial Male Chauvinist Week at Daily Bizisms

You want to know what grinds my gears? The misuse of profile pictures on facebook or myspace. Heres an example of the misuse. Guy gets invited to an event on facebook and goes to check out the page and look at all the people who have rsvp’d as attending. He starts scouting the talent that might show up and his eyes fall upon a beautiful baby. He tries to take a look at her page but of course its private. All he has is this one small picture, but damn she looks hot. Now he has decided to definitely go to this party based on the other rsvps. The whole week he is pumped to see this chick and then when he gets to the party he sees her and is extremely disappointed. You got there expecting an 8 to 10 and she ends up being a 4 to 6. Now this may work the same way for girls but I think it usually happens to guys. We have seen this beautiful profile picture and come in with some high expectations. Boy were we wrong! This is false advertisement ladies, it’s the wonderbra of our generation. Lifts you up even though you’re not really that hot. And let me take it a step farther. I think its doing you a disservice. Think of it this way: We have you built up to be this thing of beauty, and our expectations are pretty high thanks to the bar set by your profile picture. You get one chance to make your first impression, and now we meet you and you have gained 30 lbs, your acne is back or your pasty as hell. Instant disappointment as our first impression. Now lets flip it around. Your picture is of you when you were 30 lbs heavier, you had acne and you were pasty. At this point the bar couldn’t be set any lower. We really aren’t that enthusiastic about meeting you. Then when we do meet you, wow are we impressed. The acnes gone, you are skinny and have you been tanning or on vacation? because your body is toned, tan and tight. Much better than that horrible profile picture, and we think you must have some serious confidence if you are completely ok with that bad picture being up.

Example 2) The person with the skinny face. Please don’t put up a picture of your abnormally skinny face if the rest of you is Jared pre-subway. It just causes a really awkward moment when we finally get to see the rest of you.

Example 3) Dude who has never drank more than three beers and is usually extremely lame putting up a picture of him bonging a beer/playing a drinking game/surrounded by smokin’ hot chicks. We get it man, “You’re sooooo crazy, you bong beers, party, and chicks love you!” For the record, it happened once, it might have been water, it was your younger brothers party, you paid the chicks, you never did it again, and you threw up immediately afterwards. Go back to playing final fantasy iv.

Final Thoughts: Ladies, do you make a conscious decision to put up the picture that looks the absolute best or is this just a random phenomenon? Please don’t put up an amazing picture of you that might have been from 5 years ago and is in no way a representation of what you look like today. Alternatively, if you are super hot, feel free to play it down because it displays confidence. Or just put up hot pictures of yourself because I like looking at hot pictures, but if you do, don’t pretend like you don’t love it when random people look at your pictures and peruse your profile. You put them up there because you want us to look and think you’re hot and sexy, and you’re encouraging the online stalking. I’m gonna go out on one final limb here and say there is a direct correlation between self esteem and the hotness of your picture. The hotter/sexier your profile picture, the lower your self esteem, and low self esteem is like a target ladies. I’m sorry you can’t argue with that, I’m a certified Bizicist.

Galoshes, Ugs, and Other Boots

As I was getting on the elevator heading up to my office this morning I looked across and noticed a twenty something female standing across from me. Not wanting to make small talk I looked down but found myself staring at a pair of green galoshes smiling at me. She had these stupid ass green galoshes with a bug like face painted on the toes smiling up at me, pissing me off. Now that is bad enough because she seemed to forget that she was headed to work and not preschool, but what really chapped my ass was that her pants were talked into the galoshes. I dont get it does she think they are good looking? Does she think Im going to be impressed that she dresses like my 8 year old cousin? When did it become a good look for girls to tuck their pants into their boots? Everywhere you turn there are girls tucking their jeans into their Ugs. The ones who do it are most often prissy uppty bitches who are doing it because they want you to notice how good their Ugs look, but I dont know a single guy who as been impressed by a girls shoes let alone Ugs. Ugs were designed to be a comfortable, warm boot and Im all for wearing comfortable shoes even ones that look good. I mean if it were up to me I would rock a money pair of kicks everyday. But no matter how baller my kicks were I would not tuck my pants into them so that the public could see my shoes. The reason I would not tuck my pants in is become Im not an idiot. The only time it is acceptable for pants to be tucked into boots is when the young feminite is a bombshell, rocking the f me boots with some tight jeans and a tighter ass. Now I now what you are thinking, this guy sounds like a male chauvinistic pig. But its not that at all, its just simply that it just chaps my ass that all these women are tucking their pants into galoshes and boots that leave them looking stupid. When did galoshes become a good look? What JCrew now sells some ones in new colors so everyone runs out to buy a pair? The whole point of galoshes is to keep your feet dry, they arent any more effective with your pants tucked in. Rock shoes, boots, galoshes, Ugs, whatever because you think they are legit kicks that you are comfortable in and that look good but dont think for one second that my opinion of you is going to change because of them. In fact the only thing you are doing by tucking your pants in is chapping my ass and instantly making me hate you because you took the time to bend over and neatly tuck your pants into your shoes like a moron.

Daily Bizisms...Where daily doesn't mean everyday

You want to know what grinds my gears? I'll tell ya. Hillary Clinton's voice. Ouch! it hurts my ears the moment I see her open her mouth. Thats before the words even come out. I'm already cringing. Check out this video of her New Hampshire primary speech: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kRJWmAS7z2I In the first 10 seconds she is mouthing the words "Thank You". My ears hurt and she's only mouthing words. Then she actually says "Thank You" into the microphone. At this point I want to claw out my eardrums. It cuts like nails on a chalkboard sending shivers up and down my spine. It also reminds me of my mother yelling at me for doing something wrong. Very unpleasant, and I think this video is in her more soothing celebratory voice. Just wait until she's angry or slinging some mud on the campaign trail. Anyway, I don't want to knock her too much, she does have ample foreign policy experience, just ask Sinbad about their trips abroad together.

I have noticed a trend already in our posts. 2 of the previous 3 deal with fast food. Many of you are thinking 'well thats understandable, you are fat asses'. To you I say "truth, but thats cold". We are not a food blog, though I'm guessing we will often jump into foodie realms. If you didn't pick up on it in Bones Esq.'s previous post, he does carry with him the nickname "The Sultan of Snack". I put a lot of confidence behind his opinions in snacking. That said, if you did not run out and get a fast food breakfast sandwich and apply some strawberry jam to it over the weekend, shame on you. I highly recommend it. Take that advice and experience the joy for yourself.

On another note, we will be sharing many things that grind our gears, but would also like to hear from you. Feel free to leave comments and share the things that grind your gears. We may even feel compelled to write a post about it.

Salute To A Great American Hero

Back when I was a youngin McDonalds breakfast was only consumed on roadtrips with the family. Those early morning breakfasts as we made our way to some vacation spot consisted of nothing more than the hot cakes with the small container of hot maple syrup and a side of sausage patties. Now dont get me wrong thats a fine breakfast when you are young and naive but the true greatness of McDonalds breakfast lies in there sandwiches which all began with the Egg McMuffin. Unfortunately for me I was fearful of this strange looking sandwich and unable to take the risk, that is until one glorious Saturday (which I refer to as my awakening) when I was about 12. That morning my Dad imparted on me the secret of the carnies and forever my life has been changed. The secret of the mcmuffin and breakfast sandwiches in general is to put some strawberry jam on the sandwich and enjoy as the sweetness of the jam combines majestically with the grease and salt of the sandwich, let me just say the carnies are not as dumb as they look. From that point on my outlook on life was altered, from then on before an early morning round of golf, a hungover loop around the course as a caddy, a quick bite on the way to work, or to simply cure that rough hangover I turned to the mcmuffin to push me through and set my day off on the right foot.
Unfortunately for us the world has lost a great American hero, thats right, the inventor of the egg mcmuffin (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23819808/?GT1=43001). The man who thought it was genius to bring a breakfast sandwich to the fast food world and altered the way we cure hangovers. Without him who knows what we would do while on a cross country road trip or before that early morning flight. The mcmuffin has become a staple to Americana and therefore we here at Daily Bizisms and myself as the Sultan of Snack salute Herb Peterson.
So this weekend when you find yourself staggering to the nearest McDonalds to satisfy that hungover hunger or the next time you enjoy a mcmuffin just remember the honorary Bizicist who created the egg mcmuffin and made breakfasts around the world what they are today.

Welcome To Daily Bizisms

Welcome to Daily Bizisms. Most likely you are shaking your head right now and thinking to yourself that you have friends who are borderline retarded. You are most likely correct. You are also probably only reading this because you're a friend of The Biz or Bones Esq. and it will give you an opportunity to make fun of us the next time you see us. We are completely ok with that and I think our fellow "Bizicists" are ok with that too. A "Bizicist" is a new term I just came up with on the fly right there. I am going to proclaim that it is anyone who has mastered the Tao of Biz. Just like a Physicist studies and practices physics, so does a Bizicist practice their Bizisms. Few have been able to grasp the complexities and subtle nuances that make up a Bizism. But there are some and they will be contributing to help make this blog really special. A short bus kind of special. Get ready and join us on an epic journey through the inner workings of Biz, Bones Esq. and their band of cohorts. We welcome your comments and anything that may grind your gears.

Sonic....America's Drive-In?

I see this sign in about 20 commercials every week, with a couple or two friends enjoying what looks to be delicious shakes, burgers, and crazy little cheesecake bites while sitting in their car and exchanging some banter back and forth. Usually I start getting surly the moment I realize its a Sonic commercial. Never in my 25 years have I seen a real life Sonic Drive-In. I'm now 80% sure that "America's Drive-In" does not exist. It's definitely not Michigan's drive-in. I have done the internet surfing multiple times after seeing another commercial featuring a new juicy succulent burger or some crazy looking dessert only to relive the disappointment of finding that there are no Sonics in Michigan! This chaps my ass and I'm not even a dessert person. Everything just looks so good. I also hear that they have special drink combos like cherry lime-ade and I've heard people claim "Its the best fast food place for drinks". I can't even imagine a great fast food place for the drinks alone. This mythical drive-in has been built up to be the Wayne Gretzky of fast food places. I think what bothers me the most is that its just bad business to waste so much money on commercials in a market where you have zero restaurants. Stop being such a tease Sonic, you really grind my gears!