Unofficial Male Chauvinist Week at Daily Bizisms

You want to know what grinds my gears? The misuse of profile pictures on facebook or myspace. Heres an example of the misuse. Guy gets invited to an event on facebook and goes to check out the page and look at all the people who have rsvp’d as attending. He starts scouting the talent that might show up and his eyes fall upon a beautiful baby. He tries to take a look at her page but of course its private. All he has is this one small picture, but damn she looks hot. Now he has decided to definitely go to this party based on the other rsvps. The whole week he is pumped to see this chick and then when he gets to the party he sees her and is extremely disappointed. You got there expecting an 8 to 10 and she ends up being a 4 to 6. Now this may work the same way for girls but I think it usually happens to guys. We have seen this beautiful profile picture and come in with some high expectations. Boy were we wrong! This is false advertisement ladies, it’s the wonderbra of our generation. Lifts you up even though you’re not really that hot. And let me take it a step farther. I think its doing you a disservice. Think of it this way: We have you built up to be this thing of beauty, and our expectations are pretty high thanks to the bar set by your profile picture. You get one chance to make your first impression, and now we meet you and you have gained 30 lbs, your acne is back or your pasty as hell. Instant disappointment as our first impression. Now lets flip it around. Your picture is of you when you were 30 lbs heavier, you had acne and you were pasty. At this point the bar couldn’t be set any lower. We really aren’t that enthusiastic about meeting you. Then when we do meet you, wow are we impressed. The acnes gone, you are skinny and have you been tanning or on vacation? because your body is toned, tan and tight. Much better than that horrible profile picture, and we think you must have some serious confidence if you are completely ok with that bad picture being up.

Example 2) The person with the skinny face. Please don’t put up a picture of your abnormally skinny face if the rest of you is Jared pre-subway. It just causes a really awkward moment when we finally get to see the rest of you.

Example 3) Dude who has never drank more than three beers and is usually extremely lame putting up a picture of him bonging a beer/playing a drinking game/surrounded by smokin’ hot chicks. We get it man, “You’re sooooo crazy, you bong beers, party, and chicks love you!” For the record, it happened once, it might have been water, it was your younger brothers party, you paid the chicks, you never did it again, and you threw up immediately afterwards. Go back to playing final fantasy iv.

Final Thoughts: Ladies, do you make a conscious decision to put up the picture that looks the absolute best or is this just a random phenomenon? Please don’t put up an amazing picture of you that might have been from 5 years ago and is in no way a representation of what you look like today. Alternatively, if you are super hot, feel free to play it down because it displays confidence. Or just put up hot pictures of yourself because I like looking at hot pictures, but if you do, don’t pretend like you don’t love it when random people look at your pictures and peruse your profile. You put them up there because you want us to look and think you’re hot and sexy, and you’re encouraging the online stalking. I’m gonna go out on one final limb here and say there is a direct correlation between self esteem and the hotness of your picture. The hotter/sexier your profile picture, the lower your self esteem, and low self esteem is like a target ladies. I’m sorry you can’t argue with that, I’m a certified Bizicist.